But you, next person who googles this, you’re in luck! I used to work as a CSR in a call-center for a major company, where we were taught how to – professionally – sound interesting on the phone!

It’s pretty simple:

1. Smile. Yeah, they can’t see you, but surprisingly, people can tell that you’re smiling on the phone. It might be true for all of these tricks, because when I call customer service or support, I regularly get asked if I answer phones all day! The basic gist of it is if you’re smiling while you’re on the phone, it really comes through in your tone and the sound of your voice, subtly making the other person feel positive.
2. If you don’t know what to talk about, try to have something prepared. In a call-center, you usually have a script to go off when people call in. Starting with the meet-and-greet, and then taking you through the questions to ask them, and updating the script as the customer gives you information. Well, if you’re just talking to a friend / crush / business associate on the phone, and you’re not sure what to talk about for whatever reason — prepare your own script. 15 years ago, Andrew taught me this trick for calling girls in middle school, but it still works today. You don’t want to be in a meeting without an agenda, why not have a list of things you want to go over for your phone call?
3. Never let the call go on longer than it needs to. Sure, you might want to keep talking, but it’s generally better to cut things off too short rather than let them drag on too long.

But each of the five steps is really a mega-step in disguise.

Tags are listed in parens after, and they’ll eventually link to all posts following that theme.

1. Introspection (introspection)

Looking inward, understanding how you feel and what you care about.

2. Developing self-recognition and self-respect (respect)

Recognizing the parts of yourself that make you individual

3. Gaining confidence (confidence)

Translating the self-recognition into learning to be ok with yourself and being honest about what you know, are good at, or care about.

4. Action! (action)

Doing things that are in line with your notion of identity. Period.

5. Broadcast (broadcast)

Being ok with telling and actually telling people who are, and what you’re about.

I think everyone does these already, but some aren’t to completion, or have not been done fully.

I’ll follow up shortly with longer descriptions of what I think these really mean.

Back then, I got the sense that I was meeting an increasing number of people who I was simply floored to meet. People who considered themselves ordinary, normal, “just me” kinds of people, who had a tremendous amount to offer me and indeed anyone. And yet they didn’t realize it.

I think at that time I realized that I’d figured out that the reasons for this disconnect were superficial:

People didn’t formulate a concept of self-identity that let them feel happy, even proud, of themselves.

People do things, but they’re afraid to share them.

People don’t open up to others for a variety of reasons.

People lack confidence to assert their thoughts, opinions, or dreams.

People tell themselves stories about why they can’t do something (stolen from Tony Robbins!).

The last one especially catches almost everything. Stories like:

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“I need a teacher or a partner or a friend or a cofounder that [insert something not satisfied here].”

“I’m too busy to focus on that right now.”

Or whatever. I know the excuses I tell myself when I don’t work on something I should. You can quickly figure out the reasons for you not doing that thing you love.

In any case, I’ve decided that after stewing for a few years, I’m finally ready to write this for real. A lot of people I’ve come across over the past few years have unwittingly been guinea pigs to this process, and they’ve helped me recognize key concepts and refine methods. For obvious reasons, I don’t want to call them out here. But thanks. If this turns into something real, it’s because of you all.

Enough yammering. It’s time to write.

Talking can be fun, don’t get me wrong.

But doing things? Not nearly as many people do things.

If you’re always reading, watching, listening, thinking – you’re consuming a lot of other people.

But the moment you go outside, and especially if you go somewhere that you don’t normally go… you’re doing something.

Anything.

Bam! – You’ve immediately created a story for yourself, lived a new experience.

Read books.

Read blogs.

Read gossip.

Read Wikipedia.

Read anything. The more you know, the more you’ll put things together, the more you can talk about. The more you know when someone talks to you about something, the better you’ll be able to carry on a conversation. The best is if you know enough to let someone tell you even more. People love to talk, and the more you know, the more you can get people to talk about something that’s interesting to you.

Listen.

Care.

Be curious.

Be intrigued.

Be surprised.

Take pleasure in learning whatever the person has to teach you. Very often we like to think of ourselves as self-important. We might ignore the perspectives of others for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we think we know better than them (and hey, sometimes we do…). Sometimes we’d like to think we’ve already thought about the subject, and have come to our own conclusions. The worst is when we ignore what people have to say because we want to experience things for ourselves, first hand – all of us are guilty of this when we grow up, not listening to everything our parents tell us.

How we act is what makes us different. We can still listen and learn from everyone – even if what they say is wrong, it can help you realize just how right the other perspective is. Learn to listen, learn to learn.